Usually you'd expect me to write something regarding fashion right now, but for a change this is something different. I love making my blog more diverse by adding my own personal elements to it and making it my own.
They say insecurtites can make you or break you- you either face your fear or let it haunt you forever. Everyone has something about themselves or something they are insecure about, especially me. I like to try and hide what scares me the most behind a smile, as I believe your insecurities are something so personal to you. They're something that can stop you from being happy or even prevent you from achieving something within your life. "Always wear your heart on your sleeve" that's what they say- but doesn't that show a sense of weakness sometimes? Knowing someone can see and feel how much emotion you have towards them or something within your life. However it can show a sense of confidence and passion towards someone that your not afraid to embrace.
One of my biggest insecurities may seem like something so stereotypical, but to me it's something that prevents me from showing my emotion. If your a regular reader of my blog you would've seen my last post "Oh if you could see me now" talking about the absense of my dad within my life. Having such a female orienated growing up seemed normal and taught me alot. I learned heartbreak from my sister and the stress of being a lone parent from my mum- so I felt as though I grew an immunity from the pain after seeing it first hand, I was wrong.
Not having that dominant male role model within my life I find it difficult to open up or even get close to another male, as I believe they are just gonna either walk away or hurt me in the end. It's a bad way to look on life, but when that one important man in my life couldn't and wouldn't stick around then why should another?
I learnt from my family to put everyone else before yourself, peoples happiness and positivity made them happy, regardless what they were feeling. The one time I began to open up and slowly grew to know someone I had it thrown back at me like it was worthless- as if I had disappointed or hurt them. But I hadn't, they just hurt me out of their own stupidity and insecurity knowing I would just continue how we were, and stupidly I did. They never believed in a good thing happening to them, so when they had something good they had to break it to see the pain. I wanted to show we could work through it and piece the puzzle back together- but when the pieces of a different jigsaw are brought together its innevitable that it can never be fixed.
Putting your heart,soul and yourself into someone is a massive thing for anyone to give away- to show yourself off like a piece of art for people to judge you. Opinions will be made, jealousy maybe created or even that sense of emotion that can influence someone inside.
Insecurities aren't there to break you down, they're there for you to learn and slowly grow from previous experiences. To show you a different way of dealing with certain situations, and not make you feel as though it's your fault or who you are. Never change yourself to be more like someone else to deal with your insecurity- this is what I learnt. Trying to act confident when your so self conscious will just cause more pain, as that's not who your made to be. Everyone is different in their own beautiful way, the way you deal with things says alot about you and your heart. So what if you get scared over the tiniest thing, that shows your heart, your emotion and your inner insecurity. Insecurities are like a goal that only you yourself can work to find out the route to understand them, people may stand in your way and cause some obstacles, but only you will find a way to tackle their doubts from your path.
" No matter how much you give people, no matter how kind you are to people they are always looking for a clown. Sometimes you have to be the clown, but there's no shame in it. " Emeli Sande